The conversation about connection is becoming more and more relevant nowadays, and luckily, more people are realizing its importance, in how we relate to each others and our children. It is also called Attachment Theory, or Attachment parenting , and there is plenty of information on line about it.
Here I have put together some of the most relevant resources and information I have found online and the sources, that you can go and look for more, and hopefully you understand what connection means and how to enhance that with yourself, child, and people around you. I personally have used it to connect to my inner child, or self, and the people in my environment.
Thank you for reading. Here we go! Enjoy this journey!
In this article, Philip Perry, describes how “Knowing the stages of neurological development can make you a better parent” . It is really important, to know and see the child for what is at its point of development and not to have expectations that you would have from an adult person. This will save you from much strugle and frustration, along with maybe even irreversible trauma, and hurt in the connection with your child and its mental health as an adult, and the ability to relate. This is one of the ways that trauma gets passed on from a generation to another, and knowing the stages of development could be one way to stop it! So this knowledge is power in your hands! Your ability to respond rather than just react to uncontrollable emotions.
And here military wife and mama, shows you ways to deal with tantrums and other intense emotional reactions, which could leave you hopeless. There is a way to respond! Educate yourself! It is all manageable.
Here is another beautiful example about how the Inuit teach their kids to deal with anger. “Traditionally, the Inuit saw yelling at a small child as demeaning. It’s as if the adult is having a tantrum; it’s basically stooping to the level of the child, Briggs documented. With little kids, you often think they’re pushing your buttons, but that’s not what’s going on. They’re upset about something, and you have to figure out what it is.”
Read “5 Things not to tell your children” in this article by Deborah Macnamara, Phd
And “ if you focus in Control you have lost your kids” by Paula Cocozza
posted by: Lael Stone · 15 February · As Dr. Vanessa Lapointe says – think of connection like a see saw.
If your child feels disconnected from you, if they are not feeling seen and heard, then they often sit up high with resistance.
The more connection sits up high, the less resistance children have. When that connection is strong, children are often more willing to do as they are asked. Their natural state is to please you, to feel connected to you, to lean into that love and joy.
So next time you ask your child to do something for the 5th time or next time you get a lot of resistance from your child – check to see if you need to lean in and build some connection first. It could be as simple as getting on their level and offering eye contact and changing the tone of your voice. It could be engaging in a few minutes of play or silliness. It could be tuning in and seeing that there is actually some big feelings on board and they need a gentle ” hey, are you ok, can I help you in some way?”
Look at resistance as a red flag – that something else is going on underneath the surface and connection can be the answer to come back into balance.